Five or six years ago I lost a journal.  Not just any journal - but a journal covering the first year of life of our fourth child.  I was devastated!  Please understand, I would be devastated to lose any of the journals I've written for my four children over the years - but child #4 had been suddenly and unexpectedly diagnosed with a heart defect at a mere two months of age.  I took him to the that particular appointment by myself, and was told he would need open heart surgery within the month.  What?!!  I held it together, left the appt., found a pay phone (no cell phones back then), called my husband, and lost it.  Totally - lost - it.  He said to drive to his office, and I did.  But I remember doing major mental gymnastics in an attempt to remember just where that was at - and once I arrived, I had no memory of how I got there.  Anyway, after a second opinion we embarked on a long, long journey of "wait and see." 

So, you can probably imagine the kinds of journal entries I wrote in that very first "Blake journal"!  Questioning - begging - waiting - trusting - and back to questioning. 

Reality is reality.  The journal was gone - pure and simple.  I searched, I prayed, I brainstormed, I thought, I prayed some more...and in the end I had to come to terms with my loss.  My heart pounds a bit faster just thinking about the grief.

BUT (!!!).... a couple of years later I opened a lower kitchen cupboard, dug way in the back for something, and discovered the missing journal!  It had fallen out of a drawer, back behind everything else, and had dwelt there safe and sound for years.  God knew exactly where it was all the time, and He also knew that He would lead me to find it in due time.  Friends, I'm not ashamed to say that I stood up, held up the journal to show my family what I had just found, and simply started to sob.  Some of my older kids probably still remember that day!

So it is with sorrow and at least some amount of understanding that I announce that my dear friend, Sue Smith, recently lost the last year of her blog!  This wasn't just any "meandering" kind of blog.  It was special in ways I can't explain.  To truly understand, you'll simply have to become one of her readers!  You can visit her at: 

http://www.writeaboutjesus.com/Sues_Blog/Blog/Blog.html

Speaking of letting go of the past and FRESH STARTS, you can find the new blog location of Gina Boe at:

http://lifeonprimrose.spaces.live.com/

And don't worry.  Both of these wonderful ladies are linked here at my "dwell in possibility" site as well.

Here's to losing...I mean...letting go of the past.  And fresh beginnings!

Signed,
wauk 4 word

1 - What I learned at yesterday's 8th grade graduation is that:  (a) our little girl is growing up really, really fast; (b) she's wondrously gifted; (c) she's using those talents to model Christ; and (d) God gave us a huge and cherished blessing when He loaned her to us for a short time.

2 - What I learned (or maybe RE-learned) at the high school graduation has to do, believe it or not, with songwriting. The three co-valedictorians gave excellent speeches - all three of them.  But it was speaker #3 that stopped me in my tracks.  He was quite open about being uncomfortable with this "honor" - but then proceeded to give a speech that connected in such an incredible way.  Not because of smooth delivery or fancy words, but because "what he said" and "how he said it" spoke to the common man.  His words grew out of a crucible of pain he'd gone through this past year, so they were genuine.  The story's heart and humor were so real and honest, that you couldn't help but enter into his experience, and then relate to it in your own life. 

It was the perfect example of why some songs connect - and others don't.  It's not that the other songs are bad.  In fact, they may say beautiful and true things, and even say them quite eloquently.  And yet, there's that extra factor of reaching your audience.  Drawing them in, and taking them to a special place for just a few minutes.  And after you've been there, you've been changed.  I was.

Then the main speaker had his chance.  This man is well-loved by everyone (including us), and he did a wonderful job.  Almost without exception he uses props and conversational language - and last night was no exception.  Having said that, I came away without one clear message in my mind - or heart.  There were SO many props, and stories, and slides, and jokes, and "moments", that I got lost.  I was reminded of those song evaluations that say, "You have lots of great stuff in here - but there's TOO MUCH great stuff.  You have enough material here for several songs, instead of just one.  You need to pick the ONE THING you want to say above all else, and then say it.  Save the rest for another song."  ....  The proverbial "write to the hook" advice comes to mind.  Last night's speech could have been five speeches, and I would have loved every single one.  But instead, I came away with sort of a general sense of "that was nice."  (Right now I would like to re-assert how much I admire this man, his heart, his skills, his calling, and his presentations.  He is able to connect with his audience in a rare way.  But last night, for me, was just "too much" of a good thing - and I was reminded of ways I can help my own songs have the greatest impact on the listener.)

3 - Last, but not least, this past week taught me tenacity.  You see, I thought my self-assigned rewrite would take about a day, and then I could send it off.  But no.  I found myself spending hours and hours on it, only to discover the next day some things I couldn't live with.  I simply had to dig in again.  (sigh)  The whole week went like that.  At times I wanted to give up, but I knew there was no one else who was going to do the work for me!  I love songwriting - fervently and thoroughly - but that doesn't mean there aren't times when it's an uphill climb.  (puff - wheeze)  And it's extra hard when you know other people are waiting on you (sorry, y'all!)  .... 

But what makes it even harder is when I slip into momentary comparison games.  So pointless.  I know that.  In fact, when I'm doing it, I sometimes walk over to Scott and admit what I'm doing, after which he wisely replies, "So is that making you feel any better?"  Uh.  No.

But there I was, comparing my melody to others that are simply genius, after which my own sounds so very commonplace.  Comparing my progress in the songwriting journey to others who are further down the road, after which my own pace seems turtle-esque.  Or comparing my own opportunities with those of others who have connections or special invitations I don't have, after which I forget to thank God that He is in control of my personal path and that His plan is best for my life!  I wouldn't want to be any other place!  In the words of Avalon, "I don't wanna go somewhere if I know that You're not there.  Cuz I know that me without You is a lie."  Do I truly believe that?!  Then I need to have the tenacity of spirit to live it out in my heart and emotions!  (aka - TRUST GOD)

4 - Epicurus said, "Don't spoil what you have, by desiring what you don't have.  Remember that what you now have, was the thing you once hoped for.

As you can tell, I've learned some important things this past week, and yet I still have so much left to learn.  Might as well face it - I'm gonna be one of those lifelong students.  No graduation ceremonies in sight for me. 

Thankfully God is a patient teacher.

Signed,
C U inn Klass

Scott's been transferring some "vinyl" to "CD".  A few moments ago, I went down to the studio to ask him a question, and couldn't help but sink into the chair and soak in a few songs from "The Best of Bread".  Scott even handed over the headphones.  Ahhh.....   Love the groove, love the harmonies, love the sentimentality....

How can you beat an opening line like, "I found your diary underneath the tree...and started reading about me."  Okay, okay.  You can probably beat that.  But I'll bet I could sit down there and sing along with almost every single lyric from the entire project.  There's something to be said for music that brings you back to a simpler time in life.

David Gates and Bread are not usually listed as "influences" when songwriters make their "list", but I'm thinking they probably should be listed on mine - along with other lesser-knowns like Bobby Sherman, or the Carpenters.  These artists or songwriters may not always be as "cool" as the Beatles, but they definitely helped shape who I am.

So....  are any of you brave enough to admit to your own lesser-known influences?  Remember, God uses it all.  Nothing is wasted.....

Signed,
B Hoo U R

There's nothing like watching a movie you've seen before and falling in love with it all over again.  Today I watched Fellowship of the Ring while I paid bills.  My teenage boys think I'm crazy - and maybe Scott does too - but...I admit it...I cried a few times.  At one point I paused the movie, headed for the Kleenex box, tried to tell Scott why I was crying, and listened to him say, "Uh.  Bev.  You do know that this is all made up, don't you?"  "Yes," I blubbered.  "But there's just so much TRUTH in there!"  About life!  About me! 

To his credit, Scott smiled kindly.  (But probably chuckled when I returned to the movie.  Okay...guffawed.)

Anyway, it's times like today that I'm incredibly thankful for the way God created each one of us to "come alive" to the arts, of whatever kind.

I'll share a couple lines from the movie that I've always loved.  (In fact, our youth pastor uses them in his email sign-off.)  And I also love what Gandalf says after them, but I can't quite remember how it goes at the moment - something about Bilbo being MEANT to find the ring, and therefore Frodo is MEANT to bear it as well.  Which says to my heart that there are so many things in life that I might want to be free of as well, but a lot of stuff is MEANT to be part of my life experience - in God's wisdom.  He gives me experiences and circumstances to bring about His purposes in my life and, more importantly, to bring about His greater purposes.  How could I ever question whether pain or discomfort are necessary components of the bigger picture?  He knows!!

Last night's dinnertime devotions talked about this as well - but I won't go into that!!  Instead, back to the movie for a conversation between Gandalf and Frodo:

1)  I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
2)  So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

[I find it oddly appropriate that a youth pastor might wish "none of this had happened" - especially given the fact that he works with my teenagers!  Ha!]

So my dear friends - it's time to lighten up and "fill the well".  If you haven't seen the Lord of the Rings movies in awhile, it just might be time to revisit them - tissues in hand.  Or if you haven't seen one at all - GASP - see one for the first time!  (And don't forget to check out Prince Caspian this weekend as well!  If ever there was a time to support an opening weekend, this would be it.)

Signed,
Blokk Bustrrz 4 U

That's it.  No more celebrating!  ....  Don't worry - I'll still celebrate baby steps along the way, but I think I'm going to do it privately with my family.  Blogging about them feels yucky.

Things I will celebrate publicly today:

1 -  A friend's mother-in-law doesn't need brain surgery after all!
2 -  Our oldest survived his final exam (it was scaring the bejeebers out of him) and is driving the 10-hour trip home AS WE SPEAK!
3 -  Thunderstorms - complete with a good ole Denver "mile high" lightening show - thrilled my senses earlier today.  And now the sun is shining, birds are chirping, nature's colors are freshly washed and intensified, and I can smell "something" fragrant blooming outside.
4 -  Whatever it is that's blooming - apparently I'm not allergic to it.

You and I both know that this list is merely the tip of the iceberg.

Signed
Goddizz Were Thee

Why am I writing songs?  Well....

“God does not need any of our songs…He is not waiting for one of us to write the song that will signal the second coming, but He is worthy of our songs.  He is worthy of songs that remind us of who He is, what He has done and what He is going to do….” - Billy Foote

Signed,
Thatss Y.

I asked my brother, Harv, if the lumps on his neck were getting any bigger.  “I don’t know.  I don’t check them.”  ….  You gotta be kidding!

Harv has learned to trust God in a day-to-day way that is beyond anything that exists in my own character.  I tell ya what - I’d be checking those lumps!  I’d be speculating.  I’d be worrying.  I’d be obsessing.  I’d be searching on the internet. Sadly, I’d be trying to handle it on my own – I’m sure of it. 

Harv said, “I have cancer.  I can’t change that.  But maybe someone else will see the way I face this and be encouraged for whatever they’re going through.”  And as we talked about our aging parents and their difficulty giving up driving privileges, Harv said he had that same conversation with my Dad – encouraging Dad to handle it with grace and trust, because someone else might be watching and learning from him.

I told Harv I loved him, that I was praying for him, and especially that I was proud to call him my brother.

And I am.

Signed,
Soh Mutch 2 Lurnn

This morning I noticed it was May 1.  Yay –  May Day!  When I was younger that meant baskets of flowers and a celebration, but I haven’t seen that in years.  ....  So it's May, right?  Springtime, right?  Yesterday was sunny and 80 degrees, right?

But today it’s SNOWING and we’re having a high around 40.  Good grief.  But I digress….

I sat down to journal, glanced outside at the “moisture” coming down, and began by happily writing “May showers bring May flowers”.  ☺  Thirty minutes later when I was sitting by the front window with my two youngest, waiting for carpool, and mentioned that it was May Day.  Shelby had never heard of it!  Really?!  So I told her about May Day, and then also quoted my ditty.  She looked at me kindly and said, “Mom, I think it’s April showers bring May flowers.”  Uh.  Oh yeah.  (duh)

Folks, I didn’t used to be this way.  I was organized and an extremely clear thinker.  My “ability assessment” test in high school gave my top career recommendation as being a brain surgeon.  Oh right!  Like I really want someone operating on my brain who can’t even keep straight a ditty about April showers!

I guess that's what happens when you get in touch with your creative side.

Signed,
Ditt C.

P.S.  Tonight's "baby step" celebration?  An evaluator loved my "pop / hot AC" submission and thought I had "a shot" at being a staffwriter in that genre.  Cool!  Sure glad I didn't skip class tonight.